Friday, April 3, 2009


*Warning: Read at your own risk. This post may not be suitable for the tender-hearted, those who love animals, those that are pregnant, or those that cry easily*

So. Today I was having a rather nice morning. The sun was shining (finally!) and the boys and I were out running a bunch of errands (more on this later). We're enjoying driving along one of these beautiful, canopy-covered roads that make being in Tallahassee extremely enjoyable. All of a sudden, I see a car up ahead swerve out into the other lane. So does the next one, and the one after that. Then it's my turn. I see this:

Or something like this, as this is (obviously) not an actual picture of my beautiful turtle friend.

He's almost across the road, neck and legs outstretched in an effort to just get to the grass a few feet away. I contemplate slamming on my breaks, putting on my flashers, and helping the poor little buddy across the road, but think the guys behind me looks kinds mean, and he might not like that. I decide I'll turn into the next driveway and swing back by to help after the car behind me has passed (this whole thought process takes like .5 know how that goes...). So, I swerve out of the way and watch in my rear view mirror.

To my horror, the guy behind me isn't moving out of the way at all. There's no on-coming traffic. There was plenty of room between us, surely he could see little turtley-wertely. "What the heck? Move guy!" I yell, hoping he'll somehow hear me or maybe he'll get the message telepathically. But, alas, he never swerves. Are you kidding me? I look away about .000001 seconds before my little turtle friend makes his way to heaven.

I'm shocked. Are you kidding me? How heartless! How cruel and insensitive!?! The flood gates open wide and I can barely see the road anymore. My tender, animal loving, overly-sensitive, cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat, pregnant heart is broken. And the whole scene keeps replaying in my mind. Ugh.

So, the guy drives up beside me at the red light. I'm in the left-hand turn lane and he's in the straight and/or right-hand turn lane. Luckily he pulls up farther than me so he can't see me shaking and crying, and screaming "you FOOL" over and over again. That was all I could come up with. "You FOOL." Nice. I'm hating this man and quite frankly, wishing that he was as small as a turtle on the road so tat I could run him over. I guess I have a thing for defenseless little animals.

Okay, I'm pulling it together, trying to dry my eyes so that I can keep my little family safe on the road. My turn light turns green. As I start to turn, I realize that this man next to me is going too! I think "oh no! he's going to run straight into that truck that's turning from the opposite direction!" As he's on his way, he so kindly swerves in front of me to turn left from the non-left-turn lane, cutting me off to the point that I had to slam on my breaks to avoid slamming into the driver's side door of his car. I shouldn't have. I should've hit him. I wasn't going all that fast, it probably wouldn't have hurt him all that much, but his nice expensive car would've had a nice ding in it...and he could've paid for it. But, I did stop. After all, my kids were with me, and I didn't want to hurt my beautiful van. He never even acknowledged me there behind him, although about 4 of us laid on our horns. He didn't wave or make eye contact or even flick me off. Nothing. I have never had so much road rage in my life. First, he kills my unsuspecting, shade-craving, almost-across-the-whole-road turtle buddy, then he cuts me off beyond belief.

Ugh. Too bad the world doesn't have more middle-aged, Italian men driving around in their expensive cars, taking advantage of the world. Surely it'd be a better place. Not.


Jenn said...

I hate it when I see animals trying to cross the road. One time a cat ran out in front of our car and Joe didn't have time to swerve and he hit it. I think I scared him with my finatical explosion of emotion...followed by telling him in a frantic voice to pull over and check to see if he lived. He knew there was no way the cat lived, but the loving husband he was, he got out in the middle of the highway and moved the cat to the side. I felt then it was the least we could do, at least maybe if the cat had an owner. 5 or 6 years have passed since that time and though I wouldn't make Joe get out in the middle of a dangerous highway out of pure finatical emotions anymore(I hope!), it never hurts any less.

Sorry about the turtle:(

Cristy said...

I think this guy needs some of Dad's rubber hose therapy. What a jerk.

You should have stopped though, man. Sad. So, so sad. Poor little buddy.

Rach said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rach said...

Crumb! I deleted my comment because it didn't do what I wanted it to do. There is a particular comic cell that I am frequently reminded of in many frustrating situations; I posted on my blog.

Barbie and Craig said...

What a JERK! Sad story! I would cry, and I'm not even pregnant! I would probably lose sleep over that...I hope you don't! What a sad, sad man!

Andie said...

Hey, at least you just called him a fool! I probably would have let something much worse fly out of my mouth. ;-)

Poor Linds. The constant emotions at the surface are one of those little things of pregnancy. I bawled my eyes out the whole time I was pregnant with Janie over EVERYTHING.

You guys got a van? I bet you love it. Pictures, please!