You...FOOL!

*Warning: Read at your own risk. This post may not be suitable for the tender-hearted, those who love animals, those that are pregnant, or those that cry easily*

So. Today I was having a rather nice morning. The sun was shining (finally!) and the boys and I were out running a bunch of errands (more on this later). We're enjoying driving along one of these beautiful, canopy-covered roads that make being in Tallahassee extremely enjoyable. All of a sudden, I see a car up ahead swerve out into the other lane. So does the next one, and the one after that. Then it's my turn. I see this:

Or something like this, as this is (obviously) not an actual picture of my beautiful turtle friend.

He's almost across the road, neck and legs outstretched in an effort to just get to the grass a few feet away. I contemplate slamming on my breaks, putting on my flashers, and helping the poor little buddy across the road, but think the guys behind me looks kinds mean, and he might not like that. I decide I'll turn into the next driveway and swing back by to help after the car behind me has passed (this whole thought process takes like .5 seconds...you know how that goes...). So, I swerve out of the way and watch in my rear view mirror.

To my horror, the guy behind me isn't moving out of the way at all. There's no on-coming traffic. There was plenty of room between us, surely he could see little turtley-wertely. "What the heck? Move guy!" I yell, hoping he'll somehow hear me or maybe he'll get the message telepathically. But, alas, he never swerves. Are you kidding me? I look away about .000001 seconds before my little turtle friend makes his way to heaven.

I'm shocked. Are you kidding me? How heartless! How cruel and insensitive!?! The flood gates open wide and I can barely see the road anymore. My tender, animal loving, overly-sensitive, cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat, pregnant heart is broken. And the whole scene keeps replaying in my mind. Ugh.

So, the guy drives up beside me at the red light. I'm in the left-hand turn lane and he's in the straight and/or right-hand turn lane. Luckily he pulls up farther than me so he can't see me shaking and crying, and screaming "you FOOL" over and over again. That was all I could come up with. "You FOOL." Nice. I'm hating this man and quite frankly, wishing that he was as small as a turtle on the road so tat I could run him over. I guess I have a thing for defenseless little animals.

Okay, I'm pulling it together, trying to dry my eyes so that I can keep my little family safe on the road. My turn light turns green. As I start to turn, I realize that this man next to me is going too! I think "oh no! he's going to run straight into that truck that's turning from the opposite direction!" As he's on his way, he so kindly swerves in front of me to turn left from the non-left-turn lane, cutting me off to the point that I had to slam on my breaks to avoid slamming into the driver's side door of his car. I shouldn't have. I should've hit him. I wasn't going all that fast, it probably wouldn't have hurt him all that much, but his nice expensive car would've had a nice ding in it...and he could've paid for it. But, I did stop. After all, my kids were with me, and I didn't want to hurt my beautiful van. He never even acknowledged me there behind him, although about 4 of us laid on our horns. He didn't wave or make eye contact or even flick me off. Nothing. I have never had so much road rage in my life. First, he kills my unsuspecting, shade-craving, almost-across-the-whole-road turtle buddy, then he cuts me off beyond belief.

Ugh. Too bad the world doesn't have more middle-aged, Italian men driving around in their expensive cars, taking advantage of the world. Surely it'd be a better place. Not.