Sunday, December 14, 2008

A letter to Santa...

(I got this in an e-mail from my sister in-law, and thought it was great!)

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my daughter's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years...

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your sister," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my daughter saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think she wants her crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come on in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,

P.S. One more can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.


Jacob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rach said...

Okay Lindsey, I just read this letter after a very long Sunday with Kaitlyn (7 hours of which I spent baking cookies for my husband's office and grilling dinner). Jacob turned to me while reading it and asked, "Are you crying because you're laughing so hard?" Yes, yes I am/was.

Olivia said...

:) after my second day of two kids by myself (a newborn and a two year old are a tough combo) this was great to read.

Kristen said...

That is very sweet. Thank you for sharing. I love the last line!

Kristen said...

For the record, Lindsey, I am able to keep a positive attitude and be optimistic, because he doesn't do this very often. That is very different than living it day to day and week by week! I really struggled with being supportive and keeping my spirits up when Benjy was going to school full time and working full time! Hang in there, my heart goes out to you and we will keep you in our prayers. I know if can get very difficult!